Certain Uncertainty

When this COVID-19 shut down first began, I think a lot of us didn’t grasp the severity of what was to come. Most probably felt like we would go untouched by what was happening in other countries, like a storyline we’d watch on the news but would never happen to us personally. And then it came to the states…but other states, not ours. Then I heard of a case or two in my state but life still seemed to be going on as normal. The day I found out my office was closing and everybody was to work from home, I was shocked and a little excited that I didn’t have to go in to work, still believing this was just cautionary (this was at least two weeks before it was mandated). I remember when all of this first began, I ran to Target for a few things we needed for the house. I had a package of toilet paper in my cart and called my husband because I couldn’t remember if he said we needed toilet paper or paper plates. He said paper plates…and I put the toilet paper back. A week later the entire world was sold out of toilet paper!!!!!

Personally, throughout all of that, I was grateful because my husband already worked from home and I’m fortunate in my job to be able to work from home…so this wasn’t affecting us financially as it was so many others. I work for a law firm and a large part of what we do surrounds court…scheduling court appearances and hearings, filing things with the courts, preparing for court, etc. Fast forward to all the mandated shut downs, including court, and I am now out of work (Not fired or laid off…I am what’s called a billable employee, meaning I only get paid for the work I bill on cases). On the upswing, a receptionist in one of our office locations quit and I am now filling in that position meaning I am not struggling for hours and no longer have to worry about earning an income throughout this closure! God is good. On the downswing, my husband is now being laid off (an entire portion of his company, not just him). Luckily he has some connections and prospects already in the works and we don’t believe he’ll be jobless for long. In fact, he had a phone interview the other day and, if he’s hired for that position, his first day of training will be the Monday following his last day at his current job, so there will be no lapse. Once again I am being taught to shift my perspective. I was so grateful for God’s provision in the security of our jobs and, now that those aren’t so secure, I am still able to see God’s provision and I can still be so very grateful, despite that provision looking different that what I originally thought.

I once read a blog (or social media post, can’t remember exactly) by Christa Black Gifford where she was talking about driving down the highway. There was a semi to her right and a cement wall to her left and she was moving at a high speed. She kept looking to her left and right and her anxiety was increasing as she felt sandwiched in what seemed to be a death trap (I think we’ve all been there and can relate). But when she kept her eyes forward on the road ahead, she could see that she was perfectly placed in her own lane. Of course she could still see the semi and cement wall in her peripheral, but they didn’t feel as big and overwhelming when she took her eyes off of them and focused on the road ahead. What we focus on magnifies.

Just in writing this all out, I’m getting a bit of whiplash. More so however, I am reflecting on the faithfulness of God. How in the ever-changing uncertainty of our current circumstances, I am at perfect peace in the certainty of God’s provision. He has proven Himself faithful and trustworthy throughout my entire life and, when I focus and reflect on that, instead of the uncertain future, I can face anything. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

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